Find your strength by giving up the need to control everything.
This post is for all the control freaks out there, myself included!
Are you not a fan of surprises? Are you irritated when people or events come near the borders of what you're comfortable with?
If so, it sounds like you want to control everything that happens in your life. I know because I am the same.
And I don't know about you, but I am totally fed up with this incessant need to control. It is totally fear-based and disempowering. It's basically me telling myself I cannot handle life or anything that comes at me. So I want to ´make sure´ upfront that nothing upsets me.
And what is there to control anyway? It's an illusion to think we could ever be in control of everything. As Joe Dispenza says: "You cannot control what happens in your outer world, but you can control your inner world".
What other people think, say, and do? -> out of your control.
What happens on a national or global scale?-> out of your control.
But even if, for the sake of argument, you could control everything: that would mean no surprises (not ever), nothing happening that is beyond your imagination, no chance meetings, no unforeseen opportunities (they'll be there, but from a state of fear we are not open to them, and even if we would see them we'd be too scared to go with them), missed chances, missed moments. And let's face it, the most unexpected ones are often the best, however small they might be.
Would you want a life like this? I don't. This feels so stifling and static and boring. So I'm saying: not me, not anymore.
I want to replace it with something better. Because I discovered the best way to get rid of a negative, fear-based belief is to replace it with a positive one that fits who I am now.
And that was where I was struggling lately.
I know that the opposite of needing to control is to trust. And part of me does, but on some level, that feels like losing control. Can I always trust myself? Nope, there will be days when I cross my own borders or default to old behaviors. Can I trust everyone to behave the way I like? Keep on dreaming. Can I trust higher consciousness to have my back? Definitely, yes, but there is an active role for me to play as well; I cannot go into hiding from the world.
So replacing this fear with trust does not put me in my strength. And I don't know about you, but I like to feel empowered.
And this morning, out on a short hike, it struck me: what if I decide to give up the need to control everything? That is an entirely different thing than 'losing control'!!
Even writing these words, I can feel the relief and relaxation in the first option and the fear in the latter. Can you sense that too? Try saying this aloud for yourself. Can you feel the difference?
Deciding to 'give it up' hands over the power to me: it's my choice and one I am making because I know I can handle anything that comes my way. Now THAT, for me, throws fear right out of the window. Along with the 'what ifs' and getting ahead of myself. I do not have to be on guard all the time anymore and don't have to be afraid of what happens next. I can let things happen as they do and then choose if and how I react to them. And I have my own internal guidance system to make the right choices: does it feel right to me or not? That's all I need to know.
Now I've only just had this insight, and it always has to stew for a while. But the way I'm seeing this play out right now: if I make that choice, I'm not losing anything. On the contrary, I'm gaining! I'm gaining peace of mind and free up more time and energy for doing things that I love. More living from the heart and less from the head. And yes, coming from a place of strength, it is easier to have more trust in myself, in others, and in life. I can already feel the relief.
So have a think about this if you want: do you still want to hang on to the illusion of having to have control? Or could you explore the possibility of giving it up? How would the rest of your life feel if you chose to free yourself from that need? Just saying.